Saturday, 24 December 2016

And the void grows....

My heart is empty today. And it grows little every second. There is no fear or worry or sorrow or even anger. I'm just blank. I don't know which path to take or what move to make. It's funny to even think that just 6 months ago how sure I was about what I wanted, what decisions I had to make.
I never believed in predicting about tomorrow but I always planned for it. But now I'm not sure about tomorrow. Tomorrow seems to be so far away, out of my reach.
Yesterday is like a faded dream from which I have suddenly woken up. And so I am stuck in today. Isn't it suppose to to be a gift(that's why we call it a present). But I feel like I've been caged.
Six months ago,
I had my pride, I had achievements, great reputation.
Today I am nothing, just another face in the crowd.
Just another teenager aspiring to become a successful fashion designer.
In the last 6 months things have gone from bad to very bad to worst. My achievements have lost their value. The mementos and trophy are sitting in a corner of the store room stuffed in a box,awaiting a moment when all is put right and I find meaning back to my life. For now I just want to find a path to walk on. A path that doesn't lead to failing and disappointing my parents.
For now I don't see a silver lining.
But hopefully there will be one in the next year. I desperately want to forget this year like it never came. Well not the whole of it. The first six months had their pleasantness. It's actually the last 6 months which have proved to be a nightmare.
I feel worse for mom and dad,since they are the once who had to suffer the most. I realised that I've been a little selfish to think only of myself  and my problems all this time. But I'm trying.....
Trying to cope with all this chaos.
I can't stop, I can't give up not when I have my family beside me. Their hopes and dreams are connected to me. So people HERE 'S TO NEVER GIVING UP.

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